Is surrogacy a form of exploitation? Does it commercialise babies? Is it Big Fertility, or a ‘right’ for infertile women, single men, and gay male couples? Do the surrogate mothers choose it as a way to make money, or is it akin to selling sex - done, in the main, by women who have no or little alternative? And are some women ‘pimped into pregnancy’? Article coming to you soon.
I was able to see the surrogacy dynamic up close with a male gay couple. Their son was born with an egg donor and a surrogate mother. They gave themselves a "team" name and remain in contact. I was present at a celebration where all the families were present: the gay couple and their son, the egg donor, her husband and children (the son's half-siblings) and the surrogate mother, her husband and children.
Things I noticed:
The two women were working-class - one of the husbands had never tasted champagne before and thought it was overrated, asking me if I really liked it, saying he couldn't see why anyone would spend money on it.
The kids didn't care who was who, they made friends easily with each other, as children do.
The women were interested in how the boy had turned out (he was three or four at this point), but had little interest otherwise. I was fascinated. The egg donor said she could see her features in the boy. The surrogate mother was pleased he was growing up healthily.
The gay couple refused to refer to the surrogate mother as a mother. She was "the surrogate". The biological father was quite a bit older than his partner & it was his ageing that led him to want to be a dad. His partner was the main carer for the child and they seemed to fulfill traditional parenting roles. The biological father was the breadwinner and the other was the carer but also had a job.
Both women had done this before, though not with each other. The husbands seemed OK with it. I think the money was a big factor, though in the UK, only expenses can be paid, but this can be thousands of pounds.
I wasn't aware of how much it cost the gay couple, but the biological father was a high earner.
I liked how the team came together at this celebration but I wasn't aware of whether this was a one off. However, given the boy was 3/4 maybe they're in regular contact.
Most definitely. They met on a website where they picked their team name. They were "unusual" in that they got together quite quickly - apparently it can take quite a long time.
Interesting that she was not acknowledged as the biological mother. In US open adoptions there is that acknowledgement now, that the biological mother is indeed a mother. I am not sure how the US refers to surrogates.
I think there is an erasure of motherhood, that women are merely vessels, hosts, wombs, to make their dreams come true.
I know another gay couple who have used women to give birth to their children and they get upset when their kids are asked, "where's mummy?". I imagine this is painful for widowers and gay couples who adopt as well, but they seem to believe it's OK for their children to be raised without acknowledgement that a woman gave birth to them and another woman gave an egg to create them.
Hey Julie, did a video on this a while back if interested, can't wait to see what you dig up. Surrogacy is wrong on so many levels and there are women not being paid and likely trafficked. not to mention the war, which, whoever side is fighting, destroys the lives of vulnerable women and children. Have you looked into biotexcom? It's a rabbithole, enjoy!
I was able to see the surrogacy dynamic up close with a male gay couple. Their son was born with an egg donor and a surrogate mother. They gave themselves a "team" name and remain in contact. I was present at a celebration where all the families were present: the gay couple and their son, the egg donor, her husband and children (the son's half-siblings) and the surrogate mother, her husband and children.
Things I noticed:
The two women were working-class - one of the husbands had never tasted champagne before and thought it was overrated, asking me if I really liked it, saying he couldn't see why anyone would spend money on it.
The kids didn't care who was who, they made friends easily with each other, as children do.
The women were interested in how the boy had turned out (he was three or four at this point), but had little interest otherwise. I was fascinated. The egg donor said she could see her features in the boy. The surrogate mother was pleased he was growing up healthily.
The gay couple refused to refer to the surrogate mother as a mother. She was "the surrogate". The biological father was quite a bit older than his partner & it was his ageing that led him to want to be a dad. His partner was the main carer for the child and they seemed to fulfill traditional parenting roles. The biological father was the breadwinner and the other was the carer but also had a job.
Both women had done this before, though not with each other. The husbands seemed OK with it. I think the money was a big factor, though in the UK, only expenses can be paid, but this can be thousands of pounds.
I wasn't aware of how much it cost the gay couple, but the biological father was a high earner.
I liked how the team came together at this celebration but I wasn't aware of whether this was a one off. However, given the boy was 3/4 maybe they're in regular contact.
Thanks for your comment, Elizabeth
So it's shopping, in other words
yep
Most definitely. They met on a website where they picked their team name. They were "unusual" in that they got together quite quickly - apparently it can take quite a long time.
Interesting that she was not acknowledged as the biological mother. In US open adoptions there is that acknowledgement now, that the biological mother is indeed a mother. I am not sure how the US refers to surrogates.
I think there is an erasure of motherhood, that women are merely vessels, hosts, wombs, to make their dreams come true.
I know another gay couple who have used women to give birth to their children and they get upset when their kids are asked, "where's mummy?". I imagine this is painful for widowers and gay couples who adopt as well, but they seem to believe it's OK for their children to be raised without acknowledgement that a woman gave birth to them and another woman gave an egg to create them.
Hey Julie, did a video on this a while back if interested, can't wait to see what you dig up. Surrogacy is wrong on so many levels and there are women not being paid and likely trafficked. not to mention the war, which, whoever side is fighting, destroys the lives of vulnerable women and children. Have you looked into biotexcom? It's a rabbithole, enjoy!
I have indeed!
excellent, i look forward to your piece ;-)
Here are my guesses: Yes. Yes. Yes, No. No, Yes. Yes. Can't wait to read your article!
LOL