Is pornography sabotaging men’s emotional connections and ability to experience authentic intimacy? These emotional consequences are often overlooked in mainstream discussions: By Robert Jensen
Thank you! I agree - and it's not just the boys but also the girls that get taught by porn that they are objects to be violated.
The mist insightful analysis of the issues for men and women I have read. It aided my understanding because rather condemning the action it identified the pain men that drive men towards it. And links it to a problem of disconnection that so many women know so well. There are many many men who cannot be emotionally ‘ present’ during sex. It may indeed be the norm and a fundamental way way boys are brutalised.
Thank you both for this valuable insight into the changes that men need to make. Using pornography for pleasure is at odds with who we may have wanted to be before we became men. But I wonder if renouncing its objectification of women’s bodies requires more than opening up to our vulnerability. Patriarchy is a system within which men have power over women, and that power is expressed, graphically, in pornography. We learn, through pornography, to associate pleasure with objectification and control, and this changes what we come to want. Our male brains are taught to become obsessed with the physical release of ejaculation, and to associate its rewards with control over women. Maybe we need to revisit the 1970s practice of consciousness raising, and re-connect with what we used to want, before the power structures of patriarchy were incorporated in our understanding of what it means to be a man. And then we might discover a desire for justice and equality, not domination and control.
there are many ways pornagraphy ties into gender ideology.
younger kids maybe traumatized by viewing online porn. as internet connected devices are now ubiquitous, parents are often unable to prevent kids from viewing porn. trama is a normal reaction to viewing sexual acts and sexual themed images prior to the age of sexual maturity. a natural responce to trama is issue avoidance. so now there is an entire generation of kids wishing to avoid their own sexuality prior to age of sexual maturity. and, there is an entire industry and social platform that monetizes this avoidance via the promotion of puberty blockers and cross sex hormomes. this trama can cause actual gender dysphoria, something most kids grow out of unless they take harmful gender meds. but more often kids are simply opting out of puberty without any dysphoria at all. this misinformed choice is called "trans".
the next thing kids want to avoid is during the awkward teen phase of romantic intrest. sexual gratification via porn is anti social behavior that causes social isolation. porn use enables sexual gratification without social interaction. as such, the thought of social interaction and actual social interaction causes porn addled persons extreme anxiety. here again, theres a way to avoid all this discomfort: gender meds.
access to free porn 24 hours a day has created a population of porn addicts. the high of constant masterbation is similar to the high of heroin. like heroin, constant porn enabled masterbation produces a chemical high during use and a depression and low without it. these highs and lows create a cycle of dependence similar to any other addiction. porn addiction also causes users to chase greater highs via fetishes such as agp. AGP is a type of trans ID. while having an AGP fetish may not be a choice, at least not after its developed due to porn addiction, acting out AGP fetish in public is a choice and 100% voluntary. participating in AGP porn is a type of addiction. Its commonly understood that addict's engagement with their addiction is voluntary and if its not it should be treated with the goal of ending the behavior. gender ideology has turned years of addiction medicine on its head by claiming that acting out AGP fetish in public isnt a choice. sorry theres just no evidence of that claim. yet, this idea is being codified into law and perpetuated by billionaire activist groups against the public who is largely ignorant of the subject. most people know that dudes in drag seeking access to womens spaces do so completely voluntarily. but most dont know the completely garbage justification for this.
Ask any addict if they would like their addiction to be enabled and celebrated forever of course they would say yes. this is what addicts worldwide have been seeking for 1000s of years: addictions to be enabled and allowed and for every social norm to be modified and shaped for the benefit of their addiction.
pornagraphy use is commonly minimized as a concern. although most would agree that chronic heroin or cocaine use is harmful , its not generally accepted that chronic pornagraphy use is occuring at all or, if it is, that its harmful. topics like porn, gays , trans are all avoided by the general public. people pushing gender ideology know most will do anything to avoid these topics and use this avoidance to obtain carte blanche to promote their activism.
the truth is that porn is no different that alcohol or drugs. you wouldnt give it to kids and you wouldnt give dope addicts carte blanche to keep shooting up forever. porn addicts cant get care or help for their addiction when society at large denys their addiction exists.
persons familier with addict behavior are also familier with addict rationalization. they twist themselves in knots rationalizing their destructive behavior. and groups of addicts spin their own reality like a gyroscope creates its own gravity. we see these same fantastic rationalizations in the arguments of porn addled gender activists and observe the cynical medical industry getting rich by justifying and parroting this confusion.
Julie, Robert, kudos for your work! Allow me to point to one possible avenue for an explanation of porn's 'stickiness': it might lie in what has recently been revealed about the brain's structure and the left hemisphere's dominance in our civilisation - by design, social design, social choice, which, I hasten to add, supports our radical feminist critique. The left hemisphere specialises in 'grasping' as I understand and if encouraged to prevail, as it is in neoliberalism and the choices society makes about what get taught (and encouraged) and what does not get taught (and encouraged), this leads directly into porn, the madness of transgenderism and the destruction of the planet. McGilchrist may or may not be a feminist but is quite direct in warning us that we are, as a civilisation, engineering our collective suicide by the social choices made (in the split from material reality devolved into education and economic policy, for example, ) and that social media, by exploiting this feature of human mammals, is the body of foot soldiers encircling us and pushing us over the cliff. The good news is that it means we can address the problem, make other social choices - a very radical argument. There is no guarantee it would get us the full sex based rights we seek but it's a powerful explanation of what makes porn so sticky and what can be done to undo this. I'd love to hear you three in conversation.
"I’ve talked to many women after these presentations, and that struggle with men who detach rather than engage emotionally during sex was a common theme. To make it more difficult, some of those habitual users also initiate sexual acts that female partners find uncomfortable or painful—the kind of “rough sex” that is standard fare in pornography."
And yet there is a very vocal section of Feminists who glorify and promote pornography. Anyway, before any sexual interaction an open discussion of what each partner desires and where they draw boundaries needs to be had. Consent just isn't enough. Are Feminists at least having these conversations before sex?
I'm not religious but I've heard religious couples wax poetic about how sex within "holy matrimony" gets elevated to a spiritual experience and is super bonding.
Since it's related and I can't post there, I will post here, regarding the "sugar baby" article you wrote. I actually know a sugar baby who is engaged to her sugar papa. She came from a middle class background and was working, earning a decent, if modest living herself. But I guess she wanted to take the edge off of worrying about ever-increasing bills, or maybe just didn't want to have to pay for dates (men these days expect 50/50 split, some expect women to pay even more than that). Or maybe she was sick of low end dating and wanted someone who could treat her to more expensive dates. Whatever the reasons, she posted on Seeking Arrangement and now she's engaged to be married to that guy. He doesn't pay for everything. Since moving in with him she's been able to build a growing business for herself so she contributes financially too, though he probably covers the bulk of the household expenses.
The interesting thing is that when I asked him how they met, he did not say through Seeking Arrangement but made up some "meet-cute" story. She on the other hand openly talks about how they met on SA on her social media.