This is a really good piece of analysis, synthesis and emotional intelligence. What a brave man. I work with trauma survivors and am one myself. All I can say is Brava!
This is a stunning story and a testament to how far we have come in understanding the direct line between trauma and behavior. I would like also to understand how so many people who experience deep trauma are somehow able to refrain from re-inacting that trauma and somehow go on to have fairly socially integrated lives. Because I have met alot of them in my own work. The folks who live through terrible shit but somehow determined not to lash out against the world around them. Is it just the luck of the draw or is there some measurable experience which helped them , either consciously or not, to re-frame their trauma in a different way. I am truly curious about this. It recently came up in conversation with a native elder friend where we were both wondering why we did not ourselves end up drug addicted, alcoholic abusers. Based on our own childhood traumas that would have been the expected outcome, yet we both went the complete opposite direction during a time when there was almost no awareness or practical help in regards to these issues. We both agree it is a miracle we did not end up dead in a gutter somewhere. So how did we escape replaying the inherited trauma ourselves? Neither of us had any relative or authority figure to give us love and care or protect us from the abuse. We cannot be just a wierd exception to the rule that trauma breeds more trauma as there are others like us. So what was different for us? It would be very useful to know.
Hi, Rainbowl believe you posed a very thoughtful question, and my experience caused me to never want to harm someone the way I was harmed, but over time I developed an a sense of hopelessness due to my abuse that caused me to engage in dangerous and harmful acts against myself and others. I didn't have the analysis then that I have now I believe it boils down to choice. My father blamed his abuse on why he abused me, and to this day that does not sit right with me. I have never, nor will I ever engage or subject someone to that sort of abuse only because I choose not to. With the understanding of the effect it has had on me and how it left me with broken pieces I had to put together on my own. I hope I was able to add context to your question if you have more Follow me on X/Twitter @DKJackson20
Thank you for your reply and I wonder how much of this is really about culture and social context. Of course how we deal with the trauma is heavily influenced by what environment we find ourselves in. Yet there are still exceptions even to this I do not understand. Just yesterday I spoke with my native elder friend again and because your article got me thinking about all this, I asked her point blank if she had any idea why she herself did not perpetuate the abuse she experienced. She told me she has thought about this alot and she has absolutely no idea why she went a different direction. She was raised on one of the most violent indian reservations in the country. Yet in spite of the abuse, poverty and terrible environment, she became a lawyer and later a rtribal court judge who presided over alot of child abuse/neglect/endangerment cases. Many smart and bright women in her family went the way of alcohol and became either victims of abuse or abusers themselves. I share this because she has seen alot of abuse in addition to going through abuse herself. And yet here she is in her 70's and still does not know what saved her personally from continuing down that path. I remember when I was a child and all my mother's and grandmother's friends were drinking and drugging and some part of me came awake and told me that I was not going to end up like that. Then I went back to sleep for the next ten years and endured the best I could.. Until my father tried to kill me with a shotgun at 16 and I fully woke up and got the hell out of there. I eventually ran away to the mountains which is what healed and perhaps saved me . There are so many ways to walk this path. It is a miracle that any of us survive. Blessings on your own journey.
This writing is so powerful and so important. Yes, men suffer from the patriarchy too, although too often that then gets handed down to the women in their lives. What a revolting system we live under!
Also, I think it is important to know that this man is writing from America. Of course there is racism in the UK but it is of a different order and has a different history. The level of brutality meted out to black people in America by the entire society during the slavery years casts a long and dreadful shadow, one from which they may never be free. Pretending it is the same in the UK, which has its own shame, but a different one, helps no-one.
The history of black people in America is deep there is a lot this country has yet to atone for. Especially when we talk about how racialized policies contribute to the systemic disadvantages that exist for people of color is sickening. I struggle even when writing watching how credibility is measured, by the color of ones skin. If I were white and suffered abuse there are mechanisms in place to ensure the help I need is there, but being black access is limited there are also a bunch of social fears that exist in black communities because of historical trauma that cause us not to want to access those things when available. I needed to seek that help because I wanted to be a better human being! Follow me on X/Twitter @DKJackson20
Thank you. Very beautifully stated. I appreciate the hard work and the courage it took to write this and share. It took me many years, and many encounters with therapists, before I could grasp the extent to which I had been neglected and abused. Because of the privilege I had, I couldn't see it. I thought other people had it worse (they did). But somehow, comparing my experience to others wasn't fruitful for the healing process. So I'm glad that now, when I read something like this, rather than prompting me to compare, it makes me want to share as well. Thank you again.
Thank you Darrell Jackson for your honesty and standing up to share this vitally important message. While in actual prison you are trying to free your fellow humans from the prison of trauma which is unique to each and every one if us. As you described, one of the most insidious and infectious aspects of the trauma prison is how it keep us isolated from each other in fear of shame and "weakness" and blame, which are not ours but are thrust upon us as children. Thank you, this is good work you are doing.
I am struck by the fact that there are no comments yet to the outpouring of your heart. It could be that your life story is definitely one that touches at the deepest places in our own hearts, black or white, which in turn makes processing the tangled web of sexual abuse, race, and prison, one in which most people have no experience or connection with, equally hard to come to terms with on an individual level and more to your point, on a societal scale.
Your bravery for confronting these subjects known well to you is more than honorable! You are lifting up your Mom’s belief that you are not only her beloved child but also a child of God, who through Jesus, like our Mom’s, accepts us fully as we are, broken from unbearable situations.
In my personal journey of parental abuse and desertion by my birth father, it is only through understanding Jesus’ plans for our very lives that has allowed me to forgive and use biblical knowledge for Him to heal my heart and head. Jesus said and I believe Him, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
You see, as it is written about God: “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”Psalm 56:8 “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows!!!”
Luke 12:7
Life in and through Jesus is available to you and all who call upon His name! It is in and through His Word you will find the life sustaining path you deserve and desire. Your lived experiences can and will help others who are coping with their own heartbreaking realizations that though life is treacherous, with so many obstacles to face and overcome, through you, Jesus can guide your heart and guard your heart to help pave a way for their recovery too!
Let Jesus’ words touch you at your inner core because you are fully known to our Heavenly Father since it is written, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
No therapist, no doctor, not even those closest to us can even begin to understand the horrors that we’ve witnessed in our individual lives and maybe even some consider us a lost cause or unworthy of redemption, but trust me, Jesus and our Heavenly Father know through the Holy Spirit, we can be more than conquerors and for God’s and our benefit we can become loving, gentle fisher’s of men!
“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
1 Corinthians 13:12
I heard you, I see you, and I feel blessed that you shared your experience with us here on Substack. You have much to offer a hurting world as you continue to be a seeker of truth and life. When you call upon Jesus, He will hear you too! May God continue to bless you and all of your loved ones! 🙏🏻🤗
I want to first and foremost take a moment to say thank you for your kind words. I am deeply touched. One of the things I never want to lose sight of is everything it took for me to get to a point in my life to be able to talk about personal topics such as this. It is not an easy task, but I want to save lives. We live in a time were so much hopelessness exist that millions are giving up and giving in to their destructive nature . Most have forgotten or don't even know we are all children of God. I believe for those of us who have not succumbed to the evils of this world we have to continue to be the beacon of light in darkness. I slipped I fell and made choices that landed me in prison, yet I still wake up with purpose and a reason to smile. I still do what I can to bring others out of the darkness and in to the light, because I recognize the purpose God has laid out for me. No matter where I am this work will continue. Thank you for seeing me.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts and thank you for being the person you are!
This is a really good piece of analysis, synthesis and emotional intelligence. What a brave man. I work with trauma survivors and am one myself. All I can say is Brava!
This is a stunning story and a testament to how far we have come in understanding the direct line between trauma and behavior. I would like also to understand how so many people who experience deep trauma are somehow able to refrain from re-inacting that trauma and somehow go on to have fairly socially integrated lives. Because I have met alot of them in my own work. The folks who live through terrible shit but somehow determined not to lash out against the world around them. Is it just the luck of the draw or is there some measurable experience which helped them , either consciously or not, to re-frame their trauma in a different way. I am truly curious about this. It recently came up in conversation with a native elder friend where we were both wondering why we did not ourselves end up drug addicted, alcoholic abusers. Based on our own childhood traumas that would have been the expected outcome, yet we both went the complete opposite direction during a time when there was almost no awareness or practical help in regards to these issues. We both agree it is a miracle we did not end up dead in a gutter somewhere. So how did we escape replaying the inherited trauma ourselves? Neither of us had any relative or authority figure to give us love and care or protect us from the abuse. We cannot be just a wierd exception to the rule that trauma breeds more trauma as there are others like us. So what was different for us? It would be very useful to know.
DARRELL JACKSON the writer
Hi, Rainbowl believe you posed a very thoughtful question, and my experience caused me to never want to harm someone the way I was harmed, but over time I developed an a sense of hopelessness due to my abuse that caused me to engage in dangerous and harmful acts against myself and others. I didn't have the analysis then that I have now I believe it boils down to choice. My father blamed his abuse on why he abused me, and to this day that does not sit right with me. I have never, nor will I ever engage or subject someone to that sort of abuse only because I choose not to. With the understanding of the effect it has had on me and how it left me with broken pieces I had to put together on my own. I hope I was able to add context to your question if you have more Follow me on X/Twitter @DKJackson20
Thank you for your reply and I wonder how much of this is really about culture and social context. Of course how we deal with the trauma is heavily influenced by what environment we find ourselves in. Yet there are still exceptions even to this I do not understand. Just yesterday I spoke with my native elder friend again and because your article got me thinking about all this, I asked her point blank if she had any idea why she herself did not perpetuate the abuse she experienced. She told me she has thought about this alot and she has absolutely no idea why she went a different direction. She was raised on one of the most violent indian reservations in the country. Yet in spite of the abuse, poverty and terrible environment, she became a lawyer and later a rtribal court judge who presided over alot of child abuse/neglect/endangerment cases. Many smart and bright women in her family went the way of alcohol and became either victims of abuse or abusers themselves. I share this because she has seen alot of abuse in addition to going through abuse herself. And yet here she is in her 70's and still does not know what saved her personally from continuing down that path. I remember when I was a child and all my mother's and grandmother's friends were drinking and drugging and some part of me came awake and told me that I was not going to end up like that. Then I went back to sleep for the next ten years and endured the best I could.. Until my father tried to kill me with a shotgun at 16 and I fully woke up and got the hell out of there. I eventually ran away to the mountains which is what healed and perhaps saved me . There are so many ways to walk this path. It is a miracle that any of us survive. Blessings on your own journey.
Thank you both for posting.
This writing is so powerful and so important. Yes, men suffer from the patriarchy too, although too often that then gets handed down to the women in their lives. What a revolting system we live under!
Also, I think it is important to know that this man is writing from America. Of course there is racism in the UK but it is of a different order and has a different history. The level of brutality meted out to black people in America by the entire society during the slavery years casts a long and dreadful shadow, one from which they may never be free. Pretending it is the same in the UK, which has its own shame, but a different one, helps no-one.
This is from the writer Darrell
The history of black people in America is deep there is a lot this country has yet to atone for. Especially when we talk about how racialized policies contribute to the systemic disadvantages that exist for people of color is sickening. I struggle even when writing watching how credibility is measured, by the color of ones skin. If I were white and suffered abuse there are mechanisms in place to ensure the help I need is there, but being black access is limited there are also a bunch of social fears that exist in black communities because of historical trauma that cause us not to want to access those things when available. I needed to seek that help because I wanted to be a better human being! Follow me on X/Twitter @DKJackson20
Thank you. Very beautifully stated. I appreciate the hard work and the courage it took to write this and share. It took me many years, and many encounters with therapists, before I could grasp the extent to which I had been neglected and abused. Because of the privilege I had, I couldn't see it. I thought other people had it worse (they did). But somehow, comparing my experience to others wasn't fruitful for the healing process. So I'm glad that now, when I read something like this, rather than prompting me to compare, it makes me want to share as well. Thank you again.
Thank you Darrell Jackson for your honesty and standing up to share this vitally important message. While in actual prison you are trying to free your fellow humans from the prison of trauma which is unique to each and every one if us. As you described, one of the most insidious and infectious aspects of the trauma prison is how it keep us isolated from each other in fear of shame and "weakness" and blame, which are not ours but are thrust upon us as children. Thank you, this is good work you are doing.
Really illuminating article. Thanks so much for including it in your Sunstack, Julie.
Powerful stuff. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I am struck by the fact that there are no comments yet to the outpouring of your heart. It could be that your life story is definitely one that touches at the deepest places in our own hearts, black or white, which in turn makes processing the tangled web of sexual abuse, race, and prison, one in which most people have no experience or connection with, equally hard to come to terms with on an individual level and more to your point, on a societal scale.
Your bravery for confronting these subjects known well to you is more than honorable! You are lifting up your Mom’s belief that you are not only her beloved child but also a child of God, who through Jesus, like our Mom’s, accepts us fully as we are, broken from unbearable situations.
In my personal journey of parental abuse and desertion by my birth father, it is only through understanding Jesus’ plans for our very lives that has allowed me to forgive and use biblical knowledge for Him to heal my heart and head. Jesus said and I believe Him, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
You see, as it is written about God: “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”Psalm 56:8 “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows!!!”
Luke 12:7
Life in and through Jesus is available to you and all who call upon His name! It is in and through His Word you will find the life sustaining path you deserve and desire. Your lived experiences can and will help others who are coping with their own heartbreaking realizations that though life is treacherous, with so many obstacles to face and overcome, through you, Jesus can guide your heart and guard your heart to help pave a way for their recovery too!
Let Jesus’ words touch you at your inner core because you are fully known to our Heavenly Father since it is written, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
No therapist, no doctor, not even those closest to us can even begin to understand the horrors that we’ve witnessed in our individual lives and maybe even some consider us a lost cause or unworthy of redemption, but trust me, Jesus and our Heavenly Father know through the Holy Spirit, we can be more than conquerors and for God’s and our benefit we can become loving, gentle fisher’s of men!
“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
1 Corinthians 13:12
I heard you, I see you, and I feel blessed that you shared your experience with us here on Substack. You have much to offer a hurting world as you continue to be a seeker of truth and life. When you call upon Jesus, He will hear you too! May God continue to bless you and all of your loved ones! 🙏🏻🤗
This is from the writer Darrell
I want to first and foremost take a moment to say thank you for your kind words. I am deeply touched. One of the things I never want to lose sight of is everything it took for me to get to a point in my life to be able to talk about personal topics such as this. It is not an easy task, but I want to save lives. We live in a time were so much hopelessness exist that millions are giving up and giving in to their destructive nature . Most have forgotten or don't even know we are all children of God. I believe for those of us who have not succumbed to the evils of this world we have to continue to be the beacon of light in darkness. I slipped I fell and made choices that landed me in prison, yet I still wake up with purpose and a reason to smile. I still do what I can to bring others out of the darkness and in to the light, because I recognize the purpose God has laid out for me. No matter where I am this work will continue. Thank you for seeing me.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts and thank you for being the person you are!
Sincerely
-Darrell-
I’m grateful to know that you are a believer in Jesus! Morgan Freeman said this:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cz-Q7-PN7Y1/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==