60 Comments

Obviously Ace is all utter nonsense.

But if you think about, particularly girls and young women whose pool of potential partners is stuffed full of boys who have been gorging on porn, kink, choking, sissy, and in particular the message that female bodies are only there for the boys pleasure...

...isn't it entirely logical that they have evolved a category that allows them to tell these lads to eff off, and still be perceived as an ally?

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I have heard that - it makes sense!

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Yes. If they claim ace, they can't be accused of kınk shaming or being sex-negative.

Anyway, they need to claim an identity in order to be Valid. We might think young people should be free to be themselves and naturally figure out what they like over time, but that way of thinking potentially invalidates someone's special identity - which is obviously a vicious hate crime

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So if you aren’t in a state of mild sexual arousal 100% of the time you are now part of a victimised minority? If you don’t want to shag everyone all the time no matter what they are like you are part of a different victimised minority? Are we to assume the people in charge of all this are actually suggesting that only people who do want to shag anyone, all the time, are normal?

Anyone who doubts that this is a movement run by and for horny male adolescents watching porn in their bedrooms with no experience of actual sex with another person, or indeed interaction with anyone much apart from other horny male adolescents, can now be relieved of their ignorance.

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I can't be the only one who finds it absurd that (for example) Benoit would spend the time, money, and effort to look so hypersexual-appealing as pictured while claiming to be on some ridiculous Ace spectrum. That getup looks insanely uncomfortable.

Someone please create an identity, label and flag for pissed off menopausal RadFem women who would sooner 🔪 off a 🍆 than put one in me. What special affinity group can I claim when I'm feeling like 75% of ♂️ could drop dead, and the world will improve, but up that figure to 99% in the ☪️ world, so women are free!

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I am with you. Every time I hear the term Asexual and the nonsense definition - I feel like punching someone, preferably a PANsexual.

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By dressing as she does, Benoit must attract a lot of sexualised attention. This allows her to claim she is a victim of Acepobia and harassment. It’s all performative narcissism. Look at me! Aren’t I special even though I’ve never done anything special with my life except claim to have an absurd gender identity.

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Yes! Please do!

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The DSM needs a new disorder category: DSV - Desperately Seeking Victimhood.

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Nah - that would be letting the cash-cow out of the bag. DSM is basically a billing guide of ideas for Psychiatrists' for all the ways they can extort money out of their clients. The better clients feel about their victimhood the more dependent they are on the "skills and expertise" of the "professionals."

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Finally, I’ve found a letter in the alphabet soup that I can claim as my own and join in the fun! Who knew that only having a sexual attraction to those with whom you have an emotional bond was so rare as to need a category of its own? And who knew that not fancying people all the time was also rare? I’m so glad I’ve finally found my tribe. I shall buy a rainbow flag immediately and hang it in my window. No more slagging off people with genders for me. I am gendered and proud and I claim my victimhood!

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Vert funny! But, like most men who admire Julie and listen to what she says, I consciously aspire (and sometimes fail) to be Demisexual. The inability of men to curb or manage their sexuality or move from a state of sexual obsession to one of calm restraint are the key issues impacting on women worldwide. It’s why my daughter carries pepper spray and why she walks across the road to avoid men in groups. It’s also why women are fighting to keep men out of their safe spaces. In the face of media sensationalism and porn, Demisexuality would seem to be an admirable goal for most of us.

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You are so right Nick about the seeming inability of many "men to curb or manage their sexuality or move from a state of sexual obsession to one of calm restraint" I have to give credit to those who do prioritize self-control and manage respectful relationships whether gay or straight attracted.

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Thanks Julie, these people are seriously deluded/ bunch of nutters. Please can we stop throwing taxpayer money at the organizations which support this garbage. And stop schools promoting these ridiculous ideas.

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Precisely this. Also reopen asylums too.

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When I first heard the whole “demisexual” thing, it made me kind of sad. While I think anyone should be able to do (or not do!) whatever they like with fellow consenting adults, the notion that it’s some sort of a minority position to only want to have sex with someone you care about seems rather depressing, a product of the pornification of society that leads young people to think wanting to have sex only in the context of a meaningful partnership makes them an oppressed minority.

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I’d like us to get back to the antediluvian idea that no self-respecting woman or girl would want to have a male person’s penis pushed inside her unless she at least felt positively disposed towards said penis-haver. Or is that just too close to being common sense?

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Apparently people who have sexual and emotional discernment when it comes to having sex - like Lesbians NOT wanting to get busy with an aggressive Transbian, are a minority in the sex obsessed gender cult.

But maybe ACE is any Lesbian's or Gay's Get-out-of-Weird-Unwanted-Sex-Free card without being branded with "TRANSPHOBE!!!" and "BIGOT!!" because they opt out of pansexualism.

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Nah…. I’d imagine that if a woman tried to get rid of the obnoxious guy hitting on her that she’s asexual he’d persist. Telling her “oh baby, no, you just need to get with me…”

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I nearly diagnosed myself as grey sexual, I’m grey, 62 and don’t fancy a shag, (well I do fancy a shag in my mind but the body hasn’t seen a hormone for while) why, why why do people want to label themselves so much? My contemporaries fought not to be labelled, it seems now you don’t exist without one.

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When I was growing up, there was this idea of saving oneself for marriage. I'm still not married, will probably never be. (I'm also demisexual and graysexual.) So why does everyone assume I couldn't possibly still be a virgin at my age? And that I shouldn't take offense at such an assumption? In days of yore, it would be a matter of pistols or swords to make that assumption aloud. Why should I have to deal with it? Can't people just keep their rude of-course-everyone-has-sex assumptions to themselves, 365 days a year?

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Oct 31·edited Oct 31

You ask why shouldn't you take offense at the assumption that you couldn't possibly be a virgin at your age. You are, of course, perfectly entitled to take offense at that assumption, but here's a little thought experiment:

Scenario 1: Imagine Person A and person Person B, are part of a small group having a conversation at a social gathering (drinks after work or something like that). Person B says something which indicates that they hold the assumption that nobody who is Person A's age could possibly still be a virgin . Person A takes offense and calls out Person B about it. Person B apologises. Conversation closed. Person B makes sure to never talk about anything remotely related to sex ever again in the presence of Person A.

Scenario 2: Imagine the same situation in which the same assumptions become evident. Person A decides not to take offence on the grounds that Person B has clearly not thought this through, and they don't intend to cause offense. Instead, Person A says something like, 'What you're saying reflects an assumption that someone my age couldn't possibly be a virgin. Where do you think that assumption comes from?' And so the conversation continues - there are loads of interesting directions in which it might go, quite respectfully, and which may lead people to rethink their assumptions.

Just a thought experiment.

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Perhaps I did not make it clear that Person B has not merely said "something which indicates that they hold the assumption that nobody who is Person A's age could possibly still be a virgin" but has clearly spoken about me as if I in particular must be sexually active.

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People make constant assumptions about other people every day. Are you going to get offended about every single one of them? Who cares what someone thinks about people your age? Just smile enigmatically and otherwise ignore them.

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I don't like being assumed unchaste. It's offensive. In NYC, it's assumed that one paticipates in the casting couch. That's offensive both to me and to everyone in the acting or directing business. Whatever the morals of the speaker, must mine be as low?

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But you’re making assumptions yourself. You’re assuming that everyone thinks that everyone else participates in the casting couch and you’re assuming that everyone in the business would be offended if that was assumed of them.

I can assure you that not everyone is that judgemental and not everyone has such puritanical beliefs in the sanctity of chastity. In fact, I would think the latter is in a very small minority these days.

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Oct 31·edited Oct 31

The thought experiment is still valid though, no? It's not necessarily directly about your exact experience; it's about thinking about alternatives to taking offense, and where those might lead us.

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I don't think anyone is thinking that much about you to begin with or caring whether you are a virgin.

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It's insane. I've been single for ten years due to a death of a partner. I'm not assexual FFS. I got banned from my city's Pride page for saying it's nonsense. What is all this madness? Really cheeses me off it does.

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Ugh, the dreaded "raising awareness" banner = I just want attention. For people who don't care about sex they sure are obsessed with it. And seriously, I worked a lot of places and don't ever recall “...ceaseless interrogation of what your sexuality is”. No one cares, go about your business!

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Not only do they not care. Most people ACTIVELY DO NOT want to know about the sex life of people they are working with - I say this as a woman. I suppose some men may feel differently.

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As a man I agree. What you do in your bedroom is your own business, nobody else's.

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Oct 31·edited Oct 31

Should there be more clubs for people who don't do specifc things or aren't interested in them? How about a club (and identity) for people who don't enjoy eating and who only do it for sustenance? I.e. the No-Tasties. Weekly meetings to talk about how no one understands No-Tasties and how they don't like food and how hard it is when family try to get them to "taste the soup" or "Just try a little - you may like it!"

Skittles would have to apologize for its slogan "Taste the rainbow."

Bigoted people expecting them to "have a favorite food." Television commercials with food porn implying that everyone craves gooey melting cheese and hot fudge sundaes. And don't even start on the holidays! The No-Tasties at Christmas dinner having food forced on them by relatives who refuse to accept their oppressed identity.

"Get your laws off of my tastebuds," they cry!

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I had a boyfriend like that. I have to admit he was a SUPER drag when we went out to restaurants. I am now experiencing retro-active bigotry shame. Thanks for that!

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yw

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"Ace healthcare" needs: might I suggest an SOH* transplant ?

* sense of humour

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So good, thank you Julie. Unfortunately, when I first saw the day for Aromantics (which I know is different to asexual), I misread it and thought it was a day for those who had a certain smell - the Aromatics. I apologised fulsomely just in case I had offended someone just by my confused thinking. On a separate note, I was referred to as being part of a group of three ‘gentleman’ this morning at a local hospital. I stated that we were two men and a woman. There was an immediate apology and I said, “don’t worry, it happens often.” All was fine and my sense of self remained intact.

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I too thought, at first, that Aromantics were people who liked to be defined by their aroma or attracted to people with a certain aroma.

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I laughed out loud at this one, thanks!

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Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard throughout this essay. Thank you for brightening my day.

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